Archive for the ‘loss’ Category

still here

June 1, 2009

i’m having a hard time finding words these days. it’s not that i don’t have anything brewing in this head of mine. all in all, i’m feeling great for the most part. my middle is surely expanding and the wiggler’s are constantly on the move. my hips are really sore at night, guess i’m expanding in other parts of my body too and leg cramps are a new pal of mine.

but i am happy. i am grateful. i am so lucky to have made it this far. 21 weeks and counting.

but outside of myself i mourn. i mourn for my dear friend and the loss of her son. i try my best to stand beside her and hold her up when she falters. i am just so sorry this has happened and shocked still by the true reality of it. i keep thinking, even weeks after, that maybe it was all a mistake. maybe he’s ok. but i know it’s all true. i know his little life is gone and part of my friend has gone with him. and i am just so angry that things like this can happen.

so that’s where i am. up and down. down and up. but mostly, mostly just thankful. for my own growing beans who are still kicking around in there. and for this friendship that means so very much to me.

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