Archive for July, 2009

sneaking up

July 29, 2009

30 weeks on friday. i can’t quite believe that we’ve made it this far. i was looking at the calendar a few weeks back and realized the big 30 was right around the corner and i freaked out. freaked out because holy crap that means these babes are coming soon! freaked out because i feel totally unprepared. i swiftly spent the next four hours researching and buying cloth diaper supplies and other sundries that i was just sure i needed immediately.

then the nesting kicked in, it seems to early that i could be this obsessive but folks i’ve serioulsy lost control of myself. i get these bursts of energy and i have such a hard time calming myself down. i made three, yes, three trips to ikea in the last few weeks. j and i put the crib together, built shelves for the closet, i washed all the clothes and diaper prefolds, threw out have the crap in our basement that should have been thrown out years ago. donated the other half to the goodwill. and then once i was done with baby focused things i got this crazy idea that we had to, just had to find a new sink and sink cabinet for the bathroom. done and done.

then after all the crazy energy spurts (and overwhelming exhaustion) over the last few weeks, the ob told me quite kindly to knock it the hell off. and i’m listening. it’s killing me to be so quiet when every inch of my body wants to be tearing up some part of the house or completely reorganizing the basement but this is just all way to important to not listen to what i’m told.

so here were are days away from 30 weeks, fingers crossed we’ll make it to 34 at least and then beyond. i’m feeling mostly really good except for the whole being enormous and not able to bend over, lie down or sit comfortably for more than 15 minutes, constantly out of breath and somewhat predisposed to crying. i’m just feeling lucky we’re still here and moving forward. i know this can turn out just as we’ve hoped and i know the game can change at any given moment. and though i’m not trying to dwell on the negative i want to keep it in my mind. to acknowledge that the shits lottery still exists and you never know when you’ll be the lucky winner.

so for now, i’ll just keep sneaking towards the end of this journey. eyes on the prize.