just when you think you’re ok

last night has thrown me for a loop. i got home from work (which was a really quiet day, only one meeting!) i had felt pretty pooped all day and as soon as i walked in a decided to take a nap. i slept on the couch for about an hour and when DH came home i went upstairs to the bed to continue my lazing about before getting up to meet a friend at 8pm. and that’s when it started. around 7pm all of a sudden my entire abdomen clenched. it scared the shit out of me. was this a contraction? braxton hicks? i’ve never felt anything like it and it totally freaked me out. DH brought me up glass after glass of water which i’ve read is the first thing you should do if you feel like you’re having contractions as dehydration can cause them. I had no pain just complete tightness. i called my doc around 7:15 who said, keep drinking and lying down and call back in an hour if it didn’t stop.

it. didn’t. stop. DH drove me to labor and delivery at 8:15 and they checked me out. luckily my cervix is completely closed so they don’t think it was anything more than my body growing and stretching and well, perhaps contracting but after a few hours they sent me back home with the remark, “this just might be your normal, we’ll have to wait and see.” apparently it’s quite common for people to have contractions throughout with no sign or pre-term labor. of course i have to keep as restful as i can for the next few days and look out for other more worrisome signs. but all is (i guess) well again.

i can’t say i feel too relieved by their words. the clenching came and went throughout my visit to the hospital but finally subsided late last night. the entire episode scared the crap out of me. it made me realize how tenuous this all still is. and having two nurses say, well you know if you were to have them now they are not old enough to survive (um, I KNOW! which is why i’m freaking out!) didn’t help much.

i have come so far. 17 weeks tomorrow! and yet i’m so very far away from the coveted 29th week of viability. i’m holding out for 36 weeks when more than likely everything with these two beings inside me will be ok. these little wigglers who with every twitch and wiggle have buried into my heart.

i just want this so much it scares me to know it could all still fall apart. i already knew this was true but i’ve been feeling so amazing that i didn’t really let those thoughts seep too far past the surface.

it’s back to working from home for a few days. and a quiet (with no painting!) weekend on the sofa. maybe a slow swim. damn it. i just have to believe in this even though it’s so scary to do so. i have to believe in these two beating hearts. i have to believe in my body. that’s just all i can do.

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7 Responses to “just when you think you’re ok”

  1. existere Says:

    These are called Braxton Hicks. When I get them, it feels like my whole bump has clenched into a fist. No pain, just weird. Drinking water is a good thing, and I do it when I get them.

    Braxton Hicks are completely normal – your body does them from early on in pregnancy, though you usually don’t start to feel them until around this time. My midwife warned me that at times they can even be painful. She said there’s nothing to worry about unless they last longer than 30-40 seconds and continue to repeat without stopping.

    So breathe! Things are probably fine!

  2. shinejil Says:

    I hope some rest helps! I am sorry you’re having to deal with this fear.

  3. onwardandsideways Says:

    oh dear, I am so sorry that happened… but I have heard of it happening to other women, and they have been fine. I will hold out good thoughts for you, hang in there!

  4. mekate Says:

    t! I hope this is “just” your body’s way of accommodating, and I cannot imagine how scary it must be–
    but each day that ends well means it is more likely that the next day will be ok too. Playing the odds– it is more likely to go fine than not–(I try to calm myself with this all the time to nearly no avail)–

    Thinking of you, and hoping this abates and that you are ok. Keep feeling fabulous, rest, and I totally support you in trusting/believing in your body. It is doing truly miraculous things. 17 weeks, beautiful. Warmly, Kate

  5. Sarah Says:

    that is so scary, but i do actually know plenty of real live people who had contractions throughout their pregnancies. i had them starting a little later than you, but i have a friend at 12 weeks who’s been having them.

  6. mekate Says:

    Me again, just checking in to say hello. Hoping all is well and that you are much more comfortable. Warm wishes, Kate

  7. Magsy Says:

    So sorry you had such a scare! Good for you for giving yourself and the wigglers a break. Here’s hoping for no more drama and for peace of mind and body for you.

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