I might have been hit by a bus today. I don’t remember it happening but my ass has been sufficiently kicked the past few days at the office and today I could feel the workload beginning to flatten me. I’m sitting on the train waiting to pull out of the station and just barely able to keep my eyes open enough to keep typing.

I have felt pretty damn amazing for weeks. I should have known that might be too good to last. And after awaking in the middle of the night with the word “empty” lingering on my tongue, I got nervous. “empty” is that word thy I used to describe the whole inside of me when things turned to shot last time around. “Empty” is the word others have used when their paths through pregnancy came to an abrupt screeching halt. “Empty”. I don’t know why it was there scalded into my brain but it was.

I tried to make myself ignore it all day. When the pain started on my lower right side I tried to laugh in it’s face. But the pain lingered and I began to falter. I’ve felt significantly more confident as the weeks had passed. And now, with just a word I’m back into the fear.

I have a scan on monday. Part of me wanted to call and go in tomorrow just to be sure everyone is still ok. But I know I can wait. And unless the pain gets worse I can calm myself. I think.

Three more minutes until the train starts moving. 60 minutes until I’m home. Hopefully I’ll find the calm there.


4 Responses to “Flattened”

  1. EB Says:

    I say if you are concerned get a doctor on the phone. This is the time they are needed, right. Hope the pain goes away, you get to rest and your mind finds quiet and peace. Worry is so natural. Sorry you’re having a hard time.

  2. musicmakermomma Says:

    Call your nurse or dr. We pay them TONS of money, they can be there for us when we are concerned. Of course what they say will carry more weight than my opinion, but remember there are all kinds of aches and pains during pregnancy. This is most likely just your body adjusting, but I’d call the doc just to put you at ease a little bit. Hang in there!

  3. Jojobee Says:

    i agree with the above, call your dr if you’re worried. Although, I think it may be round ligament pain… It can just pop up out of nowhere! Hope everything is ok and you’re scan on monday helps you relax a little bit.


  4. mekate Says:

    I agree with everyone-
    and I am so sorry t, I hate how fragile the hope is, and want you to be ok. Please please ask for what you need. You deserve to be taken care of in the ways that you need-RIGHT NOW, not eventually, not on monday- otherwise those days will stretch interminably. I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed, wanting this so badly for you- wanting for you a return to calm non-emptiness. Sending warm wishes your way.

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