not so sure

i felt pretty normal for the most part today too. unsettling. by the end of my crazy last day in the office before our trip i had spent nearly 10 hours running back and forth and making calls to make sure all is covered while i’m away. and on the train ride home, i started blubbering. i’ve just been so convinced the shit is hitting the fan. i want to be really positive but i was having a really hard time the last two days. which is funny because from tuesday last week through monday this week i had so much confidence in this pregnancy you wouldn’t have recognized me. i had no worries going into my last ultrasound. i knew everything was ok. i knew there would still be two little ones in there and i knew their hearts would be beating.

now, i’m not so sure what’s going on but i’m hoping it’s just all part of the cycle. i feel awful tonight but not awful like i’d felt all last week when my confidence was booming. the familiar nausea has been replaced with an overall yucky stomach and a lump in the back of my throat. add to that some light period like cramping and back pain and this girl is not sure which way is up.

i’ve been worrying all day and frankly, i’m tired of me and my worrying. so tonight i had a good cry on the way home from work. i had some dinner. i’m doing laundry and packing and starting to just feel calm again.

i hope in my heart that tomorrow morning will bring nothing but reassurance. and if not, well, i will be a mess. but at least i will be a mess in spain and not in my office. see that girls… that’s looking on the bright side!

i’ll try to check in tomorrow and leave word of my status before we hit the airport.

thanks again for all your support. i would be a puddle on the floor without you all out there helping to hold me up. thank you thank you thank you.


3 Responses to “not so sure”

  1. Shinejil Says:

    I swear, it’s the hormones. They made you crazy. And pregnancy symptoms do have an ebb and flow. I’ve noticed I have good days and baaaad days, when I feel like death warmed over.

    I hope the u/s goes perfectly and your trip is a blast.

  2. Cara Says:

    Still here…thinking of you and waiting for news.

  3. Jojobee Says:

    Oh no! I know exactly how you feel! I cramped and cramped until about week 16! I think it was because of all the injections and stuff, NOT FUN! I’m hoping and thinking happy thoughts and I want you to have a wonderful trip! Don’t forget to stay VERY VERY hydrated and walk around the plane a lot! Relax and enjoy and take it as easy as you possibly can! Remember though, hydrate hydrate & hydrate!!!

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