Night into day

Last night was odd. Just as I turned off the tv to hit the hay a commercial for a dis.covery h.ealth program popped up advertising a woman, pregnant with quads who must choose either to reduce to three to save three or risk losing them all. DH and I chatted about it briefly and then off to sleep I went.

Sleep she did come but my dreams were wracked with visions of one of our little growers perhaps not sticking around. I tossed and turned all night consistently coming back to some variation of the same scenario. A scenario that ended with us losing one of these babes.

I woke up and shrugged it off but I haven’t shaken the thought completely all day. Last time around I awoke from sleep one morning knowing bug was gone. I shook it off but ended up being right in the end. This wasn’t exactly the same. I didn’t wake with that knowing feeling. I just woke with patches of dream embedded in my psyche.

So today I went through my day just as any other but I couldn’t help but notice that my nausea had again subsided. Yes I know the waves come and go. But so too has the exhaustion eased.

I don’t have a gloomy feeling all around, but there is a quiet fear at the back of my throat. I hve another scan on Thursday morning, (mere hours before we board the plane), and I just hope this much needed vacation doesn’t start off with sadness.

Please just let this be a wave. Please let these two little growers still be happily growing away inside me. Please oh please just give us a chance.

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7 Responses to “Night into day”

  1. Jojobee Says:

    Hang in there, just 2 more days… Thursday will be here before you know it! I wanted to see that one with the quads… Anyways… My waves came and went too and when they went I freaked out and prayed and cried that it was all over, then the next day was awful and I knew I was still pg. Just hang in there 🙂

  2. Emster Says:

    Best of luck Thursday. How terribly stressful this must all be. I don’t have any sage words just a bucket load of empathy.

  3. mekate Says:

    Oh I hope this wave passes, and all is well. God it is so hard to have so many things happening that we cannot control, and can only peek in on from time to time- I wish you the best possible two days while you wait for the scan, and I hope your trip starts with joyful affirming news. I will hold you all (including your two little ones) gently in my thoughts, wishing for the best.

  4. onwardandsideways Says:

    It’s almost Wednesday… and oh, how I hope this is just the ebbing of the pregnancy hormones… which it *very* well could be. Hang in there. Wishing you tons of luck.

  5. Sarah Says:

    good luck for tomorrow’s scan, i will have everything crossed for you!!

  6. shinejil Says:

    It’s hard to tell sometimes, what’s just a bad anxiety dream provoked by a sad tv show, and what’s a real gut feeling. I’m going to call this one as an anxiety dream.

    Glad you’re getting one last u/s before vacation, which I really hope will help put your mind at rest.

  7. Stacey Says:

    Praying for a wave. And a fabulous vacation begun by reassuring news.

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