the end of the week gave me such confidence. i spent the entirety of thursday trying not to vomit on my co-workers. i walked around the office with a plastic bag in my pocket (just in case) and spent every waking minute stuffing my face with vitamin c drops to keep the nausea from mounting. friday was better, only half as bad as the day before. saturday only a blip of sick waving past me from time to time. then sunday, no nausea at all. not once. instead my weak stomach was replaced with a terrible blue. i cried almost every hour. wow, i’m super fun to hang out with.
today i spent nearly all day waiting in my hematologists office for him to see me. it seems over the last week i’ve developed this sweet bump in my spine just below my neck and another doc said it might be a hematoma under my spine, perhaps being caused by a bleed into my spine. nice! luckily hema doc says no way, looks like it might be all, hmm, what d’ya call it… oh yeah, stress related. ha! who would’ve thunk it.
luckily i had already booked an acupuncture session for today. after hysterically blubbering again and many needle sticks i can say i rounded out the day happily exhausted at the grocery store chugging sparkling water. ok.
i guess all this rambling post is meant to tell you all is that i’ve hit a bit of a rough patch. i’m spending my days worrying. worrying nonstop, worrying about losing these babies, having these babies, carrying these babies and dying by either a blood clot or cancer (yeah this one is really a fun one), and oh yeah, dying on our flight to spain next week.
so yeah. things are super awesome here. i’m getting really sick of myself. so hopefully today i’ve started putting this nutso underworld in my head to rest. at least for the evening. i loaded up on lots of veggies and yumminess at the store and i’m on my way to a warm bath and then bed.
thank you so much for all your support over the last week. i really appreciate this community so much. it’s truly the only place to come where i know i won’t feel alone. i hope you can bear with me through these downer posts. i’m trying to get back into the niceties of this journey for which i am so grateful. it might not seem like it i know. but it’s there. i just got to remember how to hold it closer to the light.