little lady

so we got the cytogenetics back today. all the chromosomes were there and things looked fine so it’s good to know we don’t have any further testing to do and that nothing was genetically wrong. it’s good to know yes, but doesn’t really help us understand why she didn’t make it. yeah. it was a girl. and for some reason knowing that is breaking my heart a little. i guess it was easier when i couldn’t put a clear vision of that little bug in my head.

i’m hanging in there. going back tomorrow for a level check to see if these hormones are nearly out of my body and i can get back to the list. i feel like i must be close now that i can successfully fit back into my old pants. but who knows.

i’m back to feeling hopeful for round 2 and i just can’t wait to have something positive to focus on. although i can’t get rid of these thoughts in the back of my head that keep pestering me about my choice to put myself through all this. asking if maybe adoption should be the next step instead of another round of hormones and potential faltering. but for now, i’m looking ahead. and hoping they’ll be a better year on the horizon. 2008 has had some great ups and some really rough lows. but my eyes are fixed on the horizon. let’s hope the waves slow down.

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One Response to “little lady”

  1. Summer Says:

    Sometimes I wonder in situations like this if it’s better not to know the sex and only find out whether there were chromosome abnormalities. Yet, when I think back on my miscarriage, now that the pain has dulled, a part of me wishes I knew if it was a potential boy or girl we had.

    I’m sorry for the loss of your little girl.

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