still here and looking up

yep, still here and actually i’m doing really well. all the support out here in the ether has helped tremendously and i’m feeling really hopeful for our next round and ready to start looking forward again.

the surgery was a snap. it was over so fast and i felt instantly better i have to say. like a new leaf had been turned and i could let go and move on. i’m still so sorry to have seen the bug go but i know this journey isn’t over for us quite yet. it definitely helps to know that we’re part of a shared-risk program which means we get 6 tries at this whole de ivf thing. and if after all that we aren’t successful we’ll get our money back. to be honest after understanding the pain of a failed cycle or rather successful cycle, failed pregnancy, i’m not sure i could handle 6 of those crushers. but one at a time. i’m not going to get ahead of myself again.

and in some bizarre way, although i’m sure if i’m lucky enough to get a BFP on another cycle there will be some paranoia, but also there will be peace, knowing that my body knew when things weren’t right. i can hopefully just sink into this next cycle and just let it happen as it’s going to.

so now, we wait, wait for my numbers to drop to 0. i have a follow-up appointment on monday and i’ll find out more then i guess.

my mom met with her surgeon on thursday, she has been diagnosed with ductal carcinoma which is very common and is invasive, though we don’t know if hers has spread yet. we’ll find out more next week after her lumpectomy. so fingers crossed for next week.

my mom is one of the strongest people i know and hilarious and so darn adorable and with my dad she is now on a plane on their way here. i’m so excited to see them and i’m sure i’ll feel much better once i can squeeze them in person.

thank you all again so much for your kindnesses. i will never be able to thank you for helping me keep my head above water over the last week. i couldn’t have done it without you all.