countdown to beta

sorry i’ve been so quiet, i’ve really been having a difficult time with this darn 2ww. i’m not the most patient person and this was a tricky wait. i started the 2ww telling myself and j that i would not POAS. Then just one week after transfer i started feeling what can only be described as moments of seasickness throughout the day at work. i recalled a friend telling me that while on her honeymoon she knew something was up when she was eating dinner and all of a sudden she felt like they might as well be eating on a boat. One week later she got a BFP and well there you go. Sooooo…. friday morning there i was squinting in the daybreak huddled over the sink waiting for that darn plus sign and eek through it did, oh so faintly but it was there. BFP!

then Sunday i woke up, again at daybreak, and thought, well, we might as well see if that line she is a darkening! and voila, the lines of the plus are just a bit closer in color this time.

I had a lot of cramping over the next few days but other than that not so much to report. Last night i started to freak out, maybe this is just a chemical pregnancy, maybe i won’t make it through to beta, maybe i won’t make it past beta… all the cramping stopped a day or so ago and all i could think of was that maybe i’m just getting my hopes up that this is too good to be true. that if i get too excited and let myself feel this that the floor will fall out from under me and i won’t know which way is up. after all this worry last night and this morning, i picked up some more tests on my way to work and i huddled in the bathroom stall, just to ease my worry and again that plus sign stared back, this time darker than ever.

it all comes with the territory i guess. so much work to get to this point and the thougth of starting all over looking back at that list of donors is overwhelming. also, none of the rest of our embryos made it to freeze so no chance for a FET. but each time i start to worry and get ahead of myself and where we are at,  i look back at those three sticks, all lined up inside the bathroom cabinet and see we’ve come so far. and so far so good is good enough for me. at least for tonight.

beta is tomorrow morning, 7:15. i have no idea how long i’ll have to wait for the call, but fingers crossed we’ll see something good in those numbers.

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One Response to “countdown to beta”

  1. Summer Says:

    This is so exciting! I’ve got everything crossed for good numbers!

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