Arrived

Not to be Outdone by a deadline M & V decided to show who’s really in charge by jumping the line to my scheduled induction Thursday at 7am and kickstarting labor just three hours sooner at 4am. After just over 13 hours the little people arrived both the old fashioned way. I’ll get the story out someday soon but for now some quick details.

Baby A, now known as V, a girl is 5lbs 12 oz and came out head first.

Baby B, now known as M, a boy is 5lbs 6 oz (and taller than his siter by an inch at 19″) came out feet first.

Both adorable, sweet and looking for trouble. This is going to me amazing and crazy. More details when I’ve had more than 2 hours of sleep. Hmmm not sure when that might be. Hee hee.

Less than 24

I can’t quite believe that this time tomorrow (unless my body decides to throw me a bone here) we’ll be on our way to parenthood. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous, excited and terrified all at once. But mostly I am so ready to meet these little people and see them safely into the world. Fingers crossed.

At last weeks’s ultrasound they were measuring at 5lbs 15oz and 5lbs 11oz so I hope they have continued to grow grow grow over the last week.

I have been so lucky this pregnancy really. I’ve felt really good for the majority of these 9+ months but the last few days have been rough. I’m afraid my bottom has taken the brunt of the damage. Not fun. Basically I can no longer really stand for more than a few minutes before all the pressure starts to do me in and sitting now requires my good friend the inflatable donut. Nice. But all in all I can’t complain. I have made it so much farther than I expected. And whether labor moves swiftly or not, it looks like we’ll have some new birthdays to add to the calendar oh so soon.

I really can’t wait!

37w3d

i can’t believe i’m still posting with these babies still all cozy-ed up inside me. seems crazy. i spent so many months so worried they would come early and now it seems they don’t want to come out at all. but it may not be up to them… we’ve been scheduled for induction this thursday at 7am. yup, that’s in three days!

i was hoping just getting the date would motivate my body to get going but it’s been four days since we found out and well, i have had some hours of hard core contractions that seemed to be leading to the big day and then everything just fizzled out. it’s happened two big times, i was sure it was coming and then… nothing. oh well, at least my body’s getting ready.

i definitely feel more secure having a date to focus on though. i know the longer these babes have inside the bigger and stronger they will be when they finally emerge but i also have fear. i’ve been too close to the tragedy of stillbirth with my dear friend that knowing this is never a sure-thing has me feeling waves of panic as well. i’m trying to focus on the positives and keep on top of my kick counts. it’s all i can do.

so unless everything changes in the next two days we have an end to this part of the journey in sight. and even though these last few weeks have been hard on my body and have left me a weeping sally, i will so miss these little bodies inside me. it’s such a personal experience for us now, it will be amazing to meet them and for DH to be able to hold them like i’ve been able to these long 9+ months. i’ll try to post if anything happens. and thanks so much for all your support through these wacky travels. i’m so blessed to have such support.

a birthday…. or not

wow today was a doozy. here i am at 36w2d and let’s just say i’m ready. (he he i think i might have mentioned that before huh…) i rounded out saturday night with some friends and spicy enchiladas and promply woke up this morning to major stomach cramps… but not like your typical cramps, they would come and go at regular intervals and my entire belly would be engulfed in sharp hot pain that would radiate to my back. it was awful. after a call to L&D where my doc was on duty and responded to claims of “yay!!, come on in!” when i explained my pain. feeling encouraged and in much pain we headed off to the hospital. i felt so terrible i didn’t eat any breakfast which was a terrible idea i would regret later.

after being checked on arrival i was still only 3cm, same as last wednesday. total bummer. from the amount of pain i was in my doc was even convinced i’d be more like 7! alas. my doc decided we would wait a few hours and check again and monitor my contractions and the babes in the mean time. my contractions were really all over the place, no organization there and the stomach cramps slowly began to ease back.

so two hours later though i was having contractions that i could definitely feel and they were getting pretty rough, my cervix barely showed any wear. 3 1/2. we waited another 2 hours and the contractions stayed about the same, moderately painful but no regularity or organization… and by 5pm 3 1/2 cm. nothing had changed. by this time i was so starving (damn the hospital and their no food if you’re “potentially” in labor clause) by that third cervix check i was hoping nothing had changed because i didn’t know how much longer i could last with no food. so by 5:30 we were out the door and headed home, a nice 5 hours or so in the hospital with nothing to show for it. but thank goodness for take-out!

so here we go on another wait, it’s just so frustrating to know that honestly i have no idea how all this will begin, what it will feel like and how i’ll “know” when it’s for real. i was so convinced this morning. i had never felt pain like that with my BH contractions. so back to the drawing board. and for now i rest happily filled with dinner and some ice cream. rule #1, never leave for the hospital without eating SOMETHING! even if i am terribly nauseous the next time around i know i’ve got to get something in this belly or i’ll be sorry. lesson learned… now onto the next stage… or so i hope!

35w5d

another week down! i can’t believe 36 weeks is just two days away. yippee! we make just make our big goal and them some… or not, as of this morning i was 3cm dilated and 70% effaced so things are still moving forward. i was thinking today’s 09/09/09 date seemed like a good one but as the hours pass i realize that most likely won’t be happening.

i’m feeling pretty good but definitely not as comfortable as i’ve been in previous weeks or days. lots of sharp pains and more painful contractions off and on, still nothing steady.

i’ll keep you posted… ready or not! ha!

34w5d

had an appointment this morning and i’m still 50% effaced and now 1-2 cm dilated. holy crap. so this may all mean nothing but if i had to guess i’d say i’ll go sooner rather than later. i’ve just started feeling “different” in the last two days. some weird sharp pains coming and going and some much stronger BH contractions. soo. yeah. i’m excited. totally freaked out and really needing to clean my house. yipe!

i really wanted to make it to 36 weeks and perhaps i will but i get the feeling none of this is really up to me so we’ll just lie back and get ready for the ride.

34 weeks!

well we made it folks. today i’m 34w1d! That means that if i go into labor now they won’t try to actively stop it. It means the babies lungs should be developing nicely and they won’t give me steroid shots if labor begins.

i feel so damn lucky to have made it this far. i’m still hopeful we can hold these little ones off for a few more weeks and try to avoid much NICU time. Some days i feel like that will be a piece of cake, other days i’m on the complete other side of the fence. I’m trying to stay as quiet and calm as I can so the babes just rest and keep growing.

in terms of how i’m feeling, yes, enormous is up there close to the top. my feet which had been killing me the last few weeks have finally started aching less (probably because i haven’t been walking all over the place, i’m just too tired for that these days). Now the pain has moved into my hands and knuckles for some reason. I’m chalking it up to fluid retention since i can’t come anywhere close to fitting into my ring and after writing about 50 thank you cards last night my hands ached like i had a wicked case of arthritis. nice. but really these minor discomforts are no biggie. i’ll take them anyday if it means happy healthy babes at the end. (remind me i said that in a few weeks when i can’t get off the couch or put my own pants on)…

have an appt on wednesday so we’ll see how we’re all doing then. probably get a cervix check and see if there’s been any change. fingers crossed. my eyes are set on 36 weeks.

who knows where the next few weeks will take us.

33w5d

after feeling pretty damn amazing for being just over 8 months pregnant this week revealed things can certainly change quickly.

friday night i woke up at 1:30am to a pretty strong BH contraction. no biggie, i’ve had them since 15 weeks so they’re not something i tend to freak out over since they are never consistent and really are just more annoying than anything else. But from 1:30-2:30 they came every 10 minutes. (thank you i.phone application icontraction) then from 2:30-6:00am they were more like every 5-7 minutes. weird. i called L&D at about 2:45 to say this is different than anything i’ve experienced before. They said to call back if the contractions got down to 5 minutes apart or less and stayed that way for an hour or more. I laid back down and kept track for the next few hours, they just kept coming but stayed above 5 minutes the entire time. I finally called back at about 5:45am to say that they haven’t dropped below five minutes but they are still very consistent and all the water i’m drinking and lying on my side doesn’t seem to be doing squat. Also, I’m only 33 weeks so if I was going into labor I would still need steroid shots to help the babies lungs out. I was so worried by the time I’d get to the hospital it would be too late. The doc said, well why don’t you come in at 7am (since shift change was about to happen which would mean i’d most likely be waiting for quite a while to get seen.) I laid back down at 6am to try to get some rest until 7 and next thing i knew it was 9am.
When I woke up the contractions were gone for the most part, and if i did have any they were back to their inconsistent norm. I decided to just take it easy, eat some breakfast and see how the morning went before I went in. I met a dear friend for coffee half a block from the house and as soon as I sat down i just lost it. I think it was a combo of exhaustion from being up all night, fear that these babies were going to come early and not be ok, and hell, extreme fear that these babies were going to come and i won’t know what to do with them. i think i finally realized how imminent this all is and it scared the pants off me. Don’t get me wrong, after so long in this journey all I want is to meet these little people and to know they are ok. but that doesn’t mean i don’t still shake from the idea of knowing that I don’t know anything about babies or being a mom and my world is about to change oh so dramatically. I know we’ll be ok, we’ll figure it out, we want this more than anything, but it’s still a big transition.

anyway, with one look at me my friend said, “i’m pulling the car around and we’re going to L&D”, j was off on a run for work and wasn’t available so I hopped in the car and away we went. At L&D the babies and I were hooked up to the monitor and they looked just wonderful. Moving a ton and good strong heartbeats, my contractions were still willy nilly and showing up.

They checked my cervix and found that I was 50% effaced, no dilation though which was great to know. And apparently I was 50% effaced at my appointment on wednesday though no one thought to mention that to me. So after a few hours and no change in my cervix I was released and came home. The next two days I was over the top exhausted. I couldn’t do much more than sleep and eat.

It’s been two days since then and I feel much better. my energy has returned a bit but i’m vastly more uncomfortable. a few weeks ago i would have said i thought i’d make it all the way to 38 weeks, but now, well, i ain’t so sure. i feel like i’ll be lucky if i make it past friday. PLEASE let me make it past friday!!

now excuse me while i attempt to dislodge a baby head from under my right ribcage so i can finish my workday.

sneaking up

30 weeks on friday. i can’t quite believe that we’ve made it this far. i was looking at the calendar a few weeks back and realized the big 30 was right around the corner and i freaked out. freaked out because holy crap that means these babes are coming soon! freaked out because i feel totally unprepared. i swiftly spent the next four hours researching and buying cloth diaper supplies and other sundries that i was just sure i needed immediately.

then the nesting kicked in, it seems to early that i could be this obsessive but folks i’ve serioulsy lost control of myself. i get these bursts of energy and i have such a hard time calming myself down. i made three, yes, three trips to ikea in the last few weeks. j and i put the crib together, built shelves for the closet, i washed all the clothes and diaper prefolds, threw out have the crap in our basement that should have been thrown out years ago. donated the other half to the goodwill. and then once i was done with baby focused things i got this crazy idea that we had to, just had to find a new sink and sink cabinet for the bathroom. done and done.

then after all the crazy energy spurts (and overwhelming exhaustion) over the last few weeks, the ob told me quite kindly to knock it the hell off. and i’m listening. it’s killing me to be so quiet when every inch of my body wants to be tearing up some part of the house or completely reorganizing the basement but this is just all way to important to not listen to what i’m told.

so here were are days away from 30 weeks, fingers crossed we’ll make it to 34 at least and then beyond. i’m feeling mostly really good except for the whole being enormous and not able to bend over, lie down or sit comfortably for more than 15 minutes, constantly out of breath and somewhat predisposed to crying. i’m just feeling lucky we’re still here and moving forward. i know this can turn out just as we’ve hoped and i know the game can change at any given moment. and though i’m not trying to dwell on the negative i want to keep it in my mind. to acknowledge that the shits lottery still exists and you never know when you’ll be the lucky winner.

so for now, i’ll just keep sneaking towards the end of this journey. eyes on the prize.

still here

i’m having a hard time finding words these days. it’s not that i don’t have anything brewing in this head of mine. all in all, i’m feeling great for the most part. my middle is surely expanding and the wiggler’s are constantly on the move. my hips are really sore at night, guess i’m expanding in other parts of my body too and leg cramps are a new pal of mine.

but i am happy. i am grateful. i am so lucky to have made it this far. 21 weeks and counting.

but outside of myself i mourn. i mourn for my dear friend and the loss of her son. i try my best to stand beside her and hold her up when she falters. i am just so sorry this has happened and shocked still by the true reality of it. i keep thinking, even weeks after, that maybe it was all a mistake. maybe he’s ok. but i know it’s all true. i know his little life is gone and part of my friend has gone with him. and i am just so angry that things like this can happen.

so that’s where i am. up and down. down and up. but mostly, mostly just thankful. for my own growing beans who are still kicking around in there. and for this friendship that means so very much to me.