it’s been nutso ’round these parts of course and really i just haven’t had much to say. just wandering my way through this cycle not feeling much of anything to be honest. just a dull pang of fear from time to time.
i don’t know if it’s because i’ve been to busy to really get excited or if i’m not allowing myself to feel much of anything. i’m too freaked out it will all just fall apart again and then where will i be. for people that have done multiple cycles, is this how you felt?
one good thing is that i’ve been able to really move forward in regards to all of my pregnant friends. sure there are sometimes tricky moments, but all in all i’ve been really enjoying my friends. i even went with my dearest friend here for her NT ultrasound. I was a bit scared when she asked if i’d join her (her husband couldn’t make it and i’m her closest friend) but i was so glad i did. It was amazing to see that little bouncer in there. ahh the miracle of… well, you know.
we got invited on an amazing trip to a villa in france ( i know! this doesn’t usually happen to us, so you know). it’s pretty much a once in a lifetime opportunity and all we have to front is the plane tickets. here’s the dilemna, the trip is scheduled for late february/early march. if this cycle works i’ll be 6 weeks or thereabouts and i just don’t know how i feel about it. if it doesn’t work it will be an amazing distraction. if it does work, i’ll be entering the week i fear the most. the week i lost the bug last time around.
on one hand i feel like being away from home in the country relaxing is the best idea to get through such a tricky time. but on the other hand if something were to go wrong and i’m stuck oversees what will i do. i’m not really worried about the medical side of things, it’s the emotional side of things. we’ll be with dear friends but i’m not sure they’ll know what’s going on. any thoughts dear internet?
other then that i’m plugging away at work and nearly through the lupron days. yehaw. now if this darn AF would go away. i mean 10 days and counting is just too much for a girl you hasn’t had a visit for 5 years. when it rains it pours i suppose.
so friday i have my baseline ultrasound and bloodwork. i’ll keep you posted. until then i’ll be enjoying my fading tree and lots and lots of wine. cheerio and happy new year.
