waiting waiting waiting

i am a very impatient person. sure i can be calm and cool when i want but what i want right now is to know whether our match is complete and when we can get this show on the road.

it’s funny to think that come january it will be a year since we started this whole journey. we came pretty far, but not as far as we’d like of course. i’m hoping 2009 will offer us a renewed hope for the future of our family. until then i’ll just continue to wait, albeit impatiently, for the road to diverge down a new path.

finally on the other side

tuesday was a good day. not only because of the election results (yay!), but also for more selfish reasons… We finally have a new donor!!!!

i went in tuesday’s morning for yet another level check which came back late afternoon at just over 8. i was so bummed out, knowing that anything over 5 is still too high to get the all-clear to begin the next cycle. the message my nurse left only instructed me to make another appointment for a week to 10 days from now for another level check. but then…. the donor coordinator called to give me my password! and less than 5 hours later we found our girl.

we still have to wait for 2 more couples to choose her too, so the wait sure ain’t close to over but at least it now feels like we’re working towards something again.

so far november feels alright to me!

little lady

so we got the cytogenetics back today. all the chromosomes were there and things looked fine so it’s good to know we don’t have any further testing to do and that nothing was genetically wrong. it’s good to know yes, but doesn’t really help us understand why she didn’t make it. yeah. it was a girl. and for some reason knowing that is breaking my heart a little. i guess it was easier when i couldn’t put a clear vision of that little bug in my head.

i’m hanging in there. going back tomorrow for a level check to see if these hormones are nearly out of my body and i can get back to the list. i feel like i must be close now that i can successfully fit back into my old pants. but who knows.

i’m back to feeling hopeful for round 2 and i just can’t wait to have something positive to focus on. although i can’t get rid of these thoughts in the back of my head that keep pestering me about my choice to put myself through all this. asking if maybe adoption should be the next step instead of another round of hormones and potential faltering. but for now, i’m looking ahead. and hoping they’ll be a better year on the horizon. 2008 has had some great ups and some really rough lows. but my eyes are fixed on the horizon. let’s hope the waves slow down.